"I felt bewildered: how did they hang themselves?"

Interviewer: Hello! Thank you for accepting my interview.

Interviewer: First, could you tell me what decade you were born in?

Interviewer: ...just the decade will do, such as "'40s," "'50s,"...

I was born in 1960, during the "[three] difficult years."

Interviewer: Where did you live in China from 1966 to 1976?

I was in Beijing.

Interviewer: Based on your age, I think you must have many memories [of that time].

Interviewer: You could probably talk about what you remember for days and nights on end.

Interviewer: But if I only give you about ten minutes --

Interviewer: -- or, in other words, in the first ten minutes of the interview,

Interviewer: ...what memories would you most want to share with us?

Interviewer: Please speak freely.

OK. I guess there were several stages.

One was elementary school; one was junior high school;

there were a few different things that happened that left a pretty deep impression on me.

In 1966, I had just started elementary school,

but classes stopped right away [the school was closed].

I remember that the Ninth National Congress of the Chinese Communist Party was held,

and at 11 o'clock at night there was suddenly a siren blaring.

Everyone just looked like devils, running out and parading around in the street.

After starting elementary school, of the things I remember well,

one was that the old man who guarded the front gate committed suicide.

What could this old guy have possibly done wrong?

Even now, I don't understand.

Then, there was a teacher who slashed his wrists, but didn't die.

What happened later, I don't know.

I had just begun to understand how things worked, and these are the kinds of memories I have.

We lived on the first floor of our building.

There was a pair of engineers, a couple, who lived on the third floor.

One day, the husband and wife hanged themselves.

Interviewer: Two people at once?

Yes. I felt bewildered: how did they hang themselves?

Our place was arranged in the same way as theirs.

Where did they put the rope? I couldn't figure it out.

Even today, I still don't quite know how they could've done it.

I remember, it was probably July or August of 1966 -- summertime --

and I was playing in the courtyard.

Someone was shouting, "There there there! That building! It's happened again!"

Everyone ran in that direction.

The next day, there was more shouting:

"Over there -- someone else has done it!"

[So many suicides] in such a short amount of time -- it was a surreal feeling.

Later, everyone was doing the "loyalty dance,"

and in the morning going to report what they'd do that day,

then in the evening giving an update on their activities.

I remember clearly that every morning,

a different kid would hold Quotations from Chairman Mao,

and stand in front of the portrait of Chairman Mao on the front of the building.

Then, a big group of people would stand there,

proclaiming what they planned to do that day.

I'm not sure why, but every day it was a different kid's turn to lead,

yet it never got to be my turn, and that made me really depressed.

The neighborhood committee was in charge of this,

so maybe they just picked the kids they liked.

I remember this well, since I was never chosen.

It was the same with the "loyalty dance."

I would be dancing along in the middle of the group,

and be called out by the teacher

and told my dancing was terrible, so I had to step out.

This was a huge blow to me!

These are some childhood memories of the Cultural Revolution.

When I got to junior high, something happened to my father.

My father had been in the army and done quite well;

he was an officer, and my mom worked in a textile factory.

In 1971, my father was sent back home.

My mom immediately took all of us kids to the base to find out what was going on.

I remember my father and mother were in their room for a long time,

whispering, not daring to speak loudly.

After that, our family changed.

It was said that my father had a "problematic history,"

that he had joined the Kuomintang's Youth League when he was younger, but covered it up.

Someone exposed him.

After he was exposed, he was expelled from the Party and sent back home.

Our family situation changed greatly after this.

[Before this], my father's salary was over 100 RMB a month --

at the time, it was quite generous.

So now he didn't have this money, and had been sent back home.

My mom worked three shifts, and took care of us three kids.

I was 11 or 12 at the time. So things changed in an instant.

My mom had serious clinical depression, and she also smoked,

so our home was pretty miserable.

At that time, I served as a cadre at school,

but I didn't dare apply to join the Communist Youth League of China,

because I'd have to get into my father's problems.

This was a shadow hanging over me at the time.

I knew that because of his problems, I wouldn't be admitted to the League.

This became a burden in my heart.

All along, I was the cadre for my class, and this was good,

but I never joined the League. It was an oppressive situation.

These are my deepest impressions of the Cultural Revolution.

Interviewer: Thank you. Is there more you'd like to say?

During the Cultural Revolution, we kids were actually rather carefree.

In our residential complex, everyone's older brothers and sisters had gone "down to the countryside,"

and school was closed, so all we did was play.

The girls were playing jacks and jumping rope,

while the boys were playing cards, building things with blocks,

and playing marbles, or else catching cicadas and collecting bugs.

We didn't have anything precious,

but we still had all these different ways to have fun.

So, at that time, education had its strengths;

we were all free and open, with no restrictions.

Though we didn't study much about culture, we were happy.

That period of childhood life had a great influence on our psychology,

so I can really identify with Wang Shuo's novel Wild Beast.

Although during that era things were a complete mess at the national level,

in my generation, we grew up quite freely and enjoyed our childhood.

Unlike today, there was no smog, no competitive education; we were all happy.

The friends I made back then are still my friends today.

That was really a rare experience.

Interviewer: Thank you for accepting my interview.